Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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