CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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