My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
