Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
