woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
