he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
