she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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