I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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