I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
