I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
