Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
