She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
