worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my being single is dangerous.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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