We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
