I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
