so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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