she woke up with a sticky ear
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
