Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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