were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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