I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
