Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
