can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to calm my uterus...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
