And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
