Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
