You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
