I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
...so i touched it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
