You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
