I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
