we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
