Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
