K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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