yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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