I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
