You just made me feel so damn special
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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