Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
