so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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