even my farts smell like vagina
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
