Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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