There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
