you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What a dumb baby whore.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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