I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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