I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
