is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
