Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
