Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
