happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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