i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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