9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
