2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
