I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
