Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We got so high we made milksteak
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
