Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
