so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
