Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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